Best friends come in a lot of different sizes, shapes, and temperments. What is a picture of your best friend?

It is dark outside. In fact, it is that time of day when dark is dark. It is like 1:40 AM. I am awake.

Now this is not an unusual condition for me. As many of you know, I have fought pain issues, of varying definitions, for over 5 years now. Some nights I don't fall asleep quickly because of the pain, nights when the pain med does not greatly help.  More common, though, are the nights I fall asleep, only to be awoken by the pain. Sometimes I am up a couple of hours, while other nights I fail to get back to sleep at all. Tonight is neither of those.

For those of you who are married, this is for you. If you are single, keep these thoughts in the back of your mind if you face a situation that may lead to marriage.

Who is your best friend? Who should it be?

Now, I submitted with all of my heart, that your bestest friend is God, whether you think of Him as "just" God, or think of Him as the Father, or as Jesus, or even as the Holy Spirit. He is ultimately the one to listen to and rely upon. However, if we remove Him from the discussion or competition if you will, we are left with the question of who is your best human friend? Who should it be?

If you are married, I submit the person closest to you, the one who you should share all things with, the one who you go to for help and support should be your spouse.

Debbie and I have been married over twenty years. We have been through spells of sickness and hospital stays. We have survived extended family deaths, gotten our only child almost through her teenage years, survived unemployment and also survived four plus years of separation while I was in prison. That story is the foundation of my conversion testimony which may be found on the main website. It is too late for me to go hunting the link right now. Sorry.

After twenty years, the chemical spark is still present. We can still "talk" for hours on end. We still irritate each other occassionally, but she is still the most beautiful woman in the world.

God says that husband and wife are to be one flesh. While this certainly describes physical intimacy, it points well beyond to the relationship between husband and wife. The two are to become one unit. Similar to Christ, they are individuals in their own rights, but like the Trinity, they are a unit, one couple where the Trinity is one God. God knows whereof He speaks when Jesus quotes Adam's comments concerning marriage and the two people becoming one flesh.

It is an amazing miracle to have someone by your side and understand them so much that you can complete their thoughts and sentences. The miracle of laughing with them over jokes, over his or her own stupidity, over your own stupidity, over life, makes the relationship one to cherish. To know that they want to talk with you, to be with you, to have you by their side is worth all of the gold in the world.

This idea of "one flesh" is unexplainable in the end. How can some other person, some one totally unrelated become part of you? Hos is it possible to join another person spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally, and intellectually? With God, all things are possible. So, there we are, twenty years later.

What started as chemical attractions is now a complete union of two people, two people who share everything, even silence. Two people who can talk to each other about any topic. Most of what makes this possible is the one relationship that cannot be directly shared. This is the relationship we each have with Jesus.

I also view it as a triangle. Jesus is at the top, Debbie at the bottom on one corner and I am at the bottom on the other corner. The corners are all interchangable, yet, my relationship to Jesus does not intersect Debbie's relationship to Jesus. Still, as I move closer to God and Debbie moves closer to God, we miraculously move closer to each other. After twenty years, I would not think that possible, but as new situations and trials arise in our lives, we discover new ways of supporting each other, new ways of being help mates, new ways of growing closer together.

So, who is your best friend. For what it is worth, Debbie and I would appear to have only two things in common. First, we are both fall in the same general level of intelligence. Second, we both love God, although we both would admit that was not true at the beginning. For several years, our natural love for each other, together with Debbie's love of God, kept us together until I could catch up.

Part of our spiritual trials were a season of separation wherein we learned to grow closer to both God and each other. We became part of each other without physical contact. I do not recommend this, but since it was part of our personal experience, God mightily used it to help us grow spiritually and emotionally, drawing us closer.

So, tonight, I am still awake because part of me is missing. It is like another pain, only there is no medicine for this particular pain. This is the women's retreat weekend for our church, so Debbie is off "retreating." That is where she should be. Only thing is, as with any other conference or retreat trip she takes, I greatly miss her and one of my symptoms of the separation is that I cannot sleep. Not everyone suffers from this particular dilemma. Be thankful if that includes you.

I suspect this particular "pain" is the result of my desires never to be apart from her following my years in prison. She is where she should be, at the retreat, but while she is gone, I miss her, just as though I had temporarily misplace a leg. There is a large chunk of me not there and the effect of this "pain" is a lack of sleep.

I would not trade it for anything. She is my best friend and I would not want it any other way. How do you feel about your spouse?

Jim A